Third wheeling – we’ve all been there – and on Valentine’s Day, we’re bound to feel extra awkward. This penguin says it like it is.
I mean – is it really necessary to CONSTANTLY flaunt your affection in confined spaces?
That smug couple who have such a perfect day, they have to romantically post all the deetz on Facebook. Nothing says love like a Facebook tag. @Getaroom.
No one believes you when you say you haven’t got time to date.
When you make an effort and go out because you don’t want to be alone on Valentine’s Day.
And your Tinder date shows up…
And you look at them like
Your friends and family tell you there are plenty more fish in the sea
And they know someone great they can set you up with
You decide to get back on it and go out and look fierce – at least everyone in the club will be single too – unless they’re on a really shit date. #smise #opportunities
When that sleazy guy sneaks up behind you like this
And you’re so clearly NOT ON IT.
You move away and look for somewhere non-creepy to stand but you realise that everyone in the club is like
And the hairs on your neck are like
So you get on the last tube home and gaze at all the PDA couples
And when you get home you decide to treat yourself
After five bags of kettle chips, pic ‘n’ mix and a large Dairy Milk or three, you feel disgustingly satisfied.
You are reminded to always leave time to look after yourself. We all need a bit of self-love. You find your inner cow.
You think of all your friends who are whipped
And you lie back in bed and fart and get away with it. And you enjoy the comfort of knowing you can do this all night long and no one will complain.
*And if you’re in a relationship, you spend the day anticipating romantic gestures that never come.*
**Or you just have a really good day either way.**
This blog is based on extensive research into common Valentine’s Day experiences in modern history.